Not Anymore
by leavinghope
Summary: Spider-Man's identity has been exposed to the world, which brings Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes to a high school in Queens.


"I must admit, I wasn't expecting to have an appointment with Captain America to start my day."

Sam Wilson shook the man's hand before sitting down in a chair across from his desk. "I guess it isn't every day you have to deal with official Avengers business, Principal Morita."

"Or perhaps it is?" Jim Morita was simultaneously tense and curious.

Sam cleared his throat. He had to play this in such a way he didn't betray Peter Parker's role as Spider-Man, but also keep to his determination not to lie to civilians in his role as Captain America. "As you've accurately guessed, I'm here about J. Jonah Jameson's report that your student, Peter Parker, is Spider-Man. We are worried because he is a teenager and has been involved in Avengers' business without his permission. How is Mr. Parker?"

"Mr. Wilson…"

"Sam, please."

"Call me Jim." He paused briefly. "With your resources, you must know Peter hasn't been to school since the news broke."

"We do. But we do not know if he has been in contact with the school."

"I cannot and will not disclose any more information about Mr. Parker without the documented permission of his legal guardian."

"Good, because if you're refusing to talk to Captain America about Mr. Parker, you're not likely to talk to reporters about him."

"Damn right."

"Good." Sam reiterated, navigating into the tricky part of the discussion. "The Avengers will be monitoring activity at the school to look for any suspicious activity."

Jim crossed his arms in front of his chest. "No, thank you."

"Sir, I understand your hesitance. But this news report painted a target on your school, on your students. We feel a responsibility to ensure everyone's safety." Sam was met with silence, so he took that as an invitation to continue with his argument. "My colleague is currently inspecting the school for ways to improve security."

"I don't want our students to feel monitored or like they're going to school in a militarized zone."

Sam would have taken the last comment personally if he hadn't noticed a black and white photo of Morita and other men in military gear on a file cabinet in the corner of the room. "I understand how important it is for students to not be made to feel like criminals when they walk into their own school. I promise you, it'll be subtle. The best surveillance Stark Industries can provide."

Jim exhaled deeply. "Sorry. So many people seem to think that armed guards in schools make them safer… it's become a constant battle to keep weapons out."

"I have sympathy, I do. That's not what we want. We just want to keep your students safe in case bad guys come looking for Spider-Man."

Jim leaned forwards, elbows on his desk. "This school got hit hard, you know. We lost way more than fifty percent of the students. Some of them disappeared while on campus. We didn't even have enough students to hold classes. They need to feel safe, of course they do, but they're already traumatized. And calling it a fucking 'Blip' and bringing in the Avengers won't help that."

Before Jim could open his mouth again, Sam interjected, "Don't you dare apologize for that."

Jim threw his hands up helplessly, while Sam said, "I appreciate you giving me the intel on what it is like here in the school. The Avengers have been involved in rebuilding in the aftermath of what happened, but we're pretty far removed from what it feels like to be a teenager who lost years of their lives."

Even removed from Peter right now, which was terrifying.

"But you lost years, too."

Sam sat back in his chair. "Yeah. Lost years, lost friends. But that doesn't mean I can get away with being insensitive to what you and your students are going through." To lighten the mood, he added, "Also, I didn't name it the Blip. I don't condone that shit."

Jim laughed. "I just feel compelled to be honest with you."

Sam smirked. "I get that a lot."

The door opened, and Bucky Barnes walked in. "Wilson, I've located some places to install…" His voice trailed off, and he stood perfectly still.

Jim stood up, a stunned expression on his face, and slowly walked around the desk. "Sergeant Barnes?"

Bucky nodded. Sam immediately tensed.

"I'm Jim Morita, _your_ Jim Morita's grandson." He extended his hand.

With his own hand shaking as he reached out in return, Bucky whispered, "Oh, my god. You look just like him."

Jim chuckled. "So I've heard."

That's when Sam realized the image of Morita and his military buddies was in black and white because it was from World War II. As Bucky sat heavily in a chair, Sam walked over to look at the photo. And there he was, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes along with the rest of the Howling Commandos. He was going to have words with whoever forgot to inform him of the relationship with the school when planning this mission. But his irritation faded quickly when looking at the photo. Gabe Jones. James Falsworth. Dum-Dum Dugan. Jacques Dernier. Jim Morita. Bucky Barnes. Legends, every one of them. But one was missing.

"Where's Steve?"

"He was upset the Howling Commandos weren't getting more attention from the press, so he bet they'd print the picture if he was the one who took it." Bucky's unrelenting fondness for Steve shone through his words. "He was right."

Jim took his seat again. "That sounds like the stories of Steve Rogers my grandfather used to tell us."

Sam returned to the chair next to Bucky's and grinned. "I'd love to hear more of those stories."

"A lot of them aren't fit to be told in a school," Jim joked.

Sam laughed and noticed Bucky had relaxed a bit.

"But the ones I remember the most about Sergeant Barnes? Hmm…" Jim thought for a moment. "The Nazis feared Captain America, it's true. But the moment that scared them the most wasn't seeing the star-spangled man, but when men started silently dropping around them. That's when they knew Cap's sniper had arrived, with Cap himself not far behind."

Sam looked at Bucky, who shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Barnes here had a reputation for being a great shot, long before he became Captain America's sidekick to the rest of the world. Barnes was known for being great with the younger guys. Grandpa, Dugan, all the Howlies had stories of how Barnes would cheer kids up when they were homesick, help them clean up when they vomited after a skirmish. He would take care of all of them before dragging himself away somewhere private to heave his own guts out."

Bucky shrugged off Jim's admiration. "I never did like killing."

A wave of nausea hit Sam hard. If Bucky had a rough time killing Nazis during World War II, the memories of his time as the Winter Soldier must be an ongoing torture to him.

"I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Sergeant Barnes."

"How is that?" Sam had never heard this story, not from Bucky, not from Steve. He was curious.

"My grandfather was captured and held in Azzano, just like Sergeant Barnes. He remembered prisoners being taken away every day and not returning. One day, when the guards came to choose someone new, they approached the cage my grandfather was in. Their eyes were on him, and he knew his time was up. Then he heard a voice say, 'Take me.' And the guards took Barnes away instead."

Sam turned to Bucky. "I thought Steve was the one with the sacrificial death wish."

Bucky looked right at Sam, his expression open and honest. "I was sick. Pneumonia, most likely. I figured I was going to die in that cage anyways, so why not save someone if I had the chance?"

It was such a Steve-like thing to say that Sam had to wonder… did Bucky emulate Steve or did Steve emulate Bucky? He'd never really given consideration to that before, because Steve was Captain America and Bucky was the Winter Soldier, and there were clear lines drawn between the two. But as Sam compared the man sitting in the room with him to the younger version in the photograph, he had to wonder if there had always been the hero in Bucky Barnes.

Steve had certainly thought so.

"Well, I think you should know my family has always been grateful to you, Sergeant Barnes. Many families have been grateful. Because of your strength, the guards never came back for more men during the days Zola had you." Jim exchanged a quick glance with Sam before continuing on. "Your ability to withstand the torture, to handle whatever they did to you, saved lives. You saved a lot of lives with your actions, both in that camp and in the war. So, thank you."

Jim's voice broke at the end, and tears filled Bucky's eyes. Sam's, too. The man beside him never been thanked for his service. He never returned to his biological family. His other family, the Howling Commandos, had lived their lives without him in it. The only family he had, Steve, had abandoned him. And yet here Bucky was, over a century old and helping Sam keep a public high school secure.

Jim wiped away a tear and said, "Anyways, I'm glad you're here. If anyone can keep Peter safe, you can."

"How do you know that?"

"I trust you."

The silence after that simple statement rang loud in the room. "Thank you." Bucky finally managed, with a tremulous smile.

A bell sounded. "Sorry, I need to get out front to be with the students as school lets out. It was a pleasure to meet you, Sam."

"Likewise."

Jim stopped in front of Bucky on his way to the door. "Sergeant, it's been an honor. My family would love to meet you. My father is still alive, and he remembers my grandfather better than I do. I know he'd love to talk to you."

Bucky hesitated, and Jim added, "Just remember, you're family to us. Any time you're ready, okay?"

Bucky stood to shake Jim's hand one more time. "Thank you."

After Jim left, Bucky picked up the photo of the Howling Commandos. He reached out and touched the image of his younger self. Sam was concerned with how much Bucky was trembling and asked, "How are you doing?"

Bucky laughed self-deprecatingly. "You might be aware my brain has been kinda fucked up over the years."

Sam felt it was a triumph that Bucky could even joke about it. "It may have come to my attention."

"These memories I have of the war, so long ago, but yet so recent for me. The bonds I shared with these men were so strong. They looked up to me?" Bucky shook his head in disbelief. "And, God, the way we followed Steve, the way he never left our side…" Bucky struggled to control the tremor in his voice. "After Steve's decision, I started to not trust these memories." Bucky turned to look at Sam. "But they were real?"

The doubt in Bucky's voice broke Sam's heart.

Sam's opinion of the man in front of him had been quite the rollercoaster ride over the years. At first, Bucky was the bad guy who had ripped his wings off and thrown him off a helicarrier. Then he was Steve's obsession, an Achilles' heel that could break the strongest man in the world. Then he was the only thing that could bring a smile to Steve's face. And now he was just a quiet presence in Sam's life, silently mourning the loss of his dearest friendship and still trying to forge a new life for himself in a world that still largely regarded him as a villain.

Sam admired Bucky's quiet bravery. "Yeah, they were real."

Still focused on his younger self, Bucky said, "I'm not him."

"We all grow up, Barnes. You just had a much rougher time of it than anyone should have to go through. But none of us are who we were when we were younger."

Bucky set the photograph back in its place and ran his vibranium hand through his long, dark hair. "Do you think, if I'd been more like him, Steve would have stayed?"

Not for the first time, Sam flooded with anger at Steve Rogers. Anger for those he left behind. Anger for the lives Steve had changed without their permission. Anger for the people whose lives Steve could no longer help in a world which so desperately needed it.

"I have no idea what was going through Steve's mind when he made that bullshit decision of his, but I do know it wasn't about you." When Bucky didn't respond, Sam added, "One of these days, you and I are going to allow ourselves to vent our feelings about Steve, okay? Go to the gym together, punch some bags, scream a lot, and then drown our sorrows in beer after. We'll just both let it all out. Sound fair?"

Bucky nodded. "Yeah."

Sam and Bucky left the office and walked quickly out of the building. Although they weren't in uniform, casual clothing couldn't disguise their identities. They mostly avoided attention, just a few not very surreptitious snapshots, and were silent until they reached the car parked not far away from the school's loading dock. As Sam slid into the driver's seat, he asked, "Gonna take Principal Morita up on his offer?"

After Bucky adjusted the passenger side mirror so he had good lines of sight, he responded, "What would his family think if they knew everything I've done?"

Instead of answering directly, Sam said, "I've read your file, you know. The unredacted one, not the one the public has seen."

Bucky looked at him, his eyes full of trepidation.

"I've read your file, and I'm still here."

"Keeping an eye on me?"

"Staying by your side."

Bucky released the breath he'd been holding and settled deeper into his seat. "Okay."

This mission was way more emotional than Sam had planned for. Time to change it up a bit. "My mother is expecting me for dinner. Us, actually."

"Your mother is expecting me to show up for dinner?" Bucky's tone was skeptical.

"Yeah. I told her you were coming on this trip with me. She says you look way too skinny on television, and you need someone to feed you right." Sam smiled. "Trust me, you'll get a good meal. We won't need to eat for a week after."

Bucky considered the offer. "Who else will be there?"

"Apparently, it's a big thing for me to come visit, now that I'm Captain America and not just some pararescue dude. Assorted cousins, aunts, uncles, my grandma… who wants more details about Gabe Jones, by the way."

A twinkle appeared in Bucky's eyes. "That, I can provide."

"So, gonna come with me?"

Bucky's temptation to go was obvious in the way he wrapped his arms around himself. Sam had expected more of a fight, but realized Bucky didn't want to be alone after the quasi-reunion with his past. But then Bucky asked, "You sure you want me around your family?"

Sam thought about Riley, whose absence would always be a dull pain in his heart. He thought about Natasha, who he desperately missed, her death all the more unreal for the fact he wasn't there to witness it. He thought of Tony, who had helped him and the others when they were in the Raft, who had forged Steve a shield even when they were estranged.

He thought of Bucky, who had kept himself away from Steve until he was healed enough to risk closeness again. Who had become beloved by the people in Wakanda. Who had offered his life to save a stranger from certain death in Azzano, who had lost his life protecting Steve on a speeding train.

Family is more than bonds of blood. The bonds you make with the people you choose are the strongest. And here was Sam, making a choice.

Sam started the engine and aimed the car towards his mother's home. "You're family, too, man. You're family, too."


End file.
